"Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon
By George Carlin.
I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks. I
believe the money I make belongs to me and my family,
not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad
comb-over who wants to give it away to crack
addicts squirting out babies.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd
better do it in English.
I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a
child, it takes two parents.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the
Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get
his money. And why is he always part of the problem
and not the solution.
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is
sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies
when you are President of the United States.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if
your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy
ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to
be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her
God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This
also applies to sexuality.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a
shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever
canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time
arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all
those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a
long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't
wander forty years in the desert after getting chased
out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been
persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut
up already.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry
ass if you're running from them. I also think they
have the right to pull your ass over if you are
breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot
works, I don't want you deciding who should be running
the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not
passing, your license should be revoked, and you
should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to
never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want
them, but please don't pretend they are a political
statement.
I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.
I 'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how
desperately the mainstream media would like the world
to believe otherwise.
If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
If you too are a BAD American please forward this to
everyone you know.
We need our country back!